James' UNLV Graduation

WOOHOO! My younger brother James graduated yesterday with his Bachelors degree from UNLV. We are so proud of you Jamesy! What an awesome accomplishment! Keep up the hard work! Ruthie (Lauren's mom), James and Lauren
My mom, Me, Lauren, James, Grandma Molly, Becca and my Dad

Lauren and James

My Mom, James and my Dad

Incriminating Photo of the Day . . .

Think this gives away the fact that we had brownies for breakfast while we watched the Disney Channel? I think Jack liked it . . .

Bea and Bawh

Right now Jack sure loves his "bea and bawh."

Last week I lied to Jack's pediatrician.

He asked if Jack was off the bottles.

I lied and said, "Of course!"

The truth however, is that I don't wanna let that go yet.

Jack could care less what he drinks from.

But it's the only time he sits still with us.

Drinking from what Jack calls his "bawh" and cuddling with what he calls his "bea" is too special to give up on yet.

Maybe just one more week? . . .

Tupperware-Head-Man

Perhaps this is the early aspirations of a young astronaut in the works . . . or maybe it is just tupperware-head-man.

Jack thought is was pretty great getting mom and dad to laugh at him!

A Thousand Splendid Suns

I just finished another great book club read.

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini was so inspiring. It is about the lives of two women in Afghanistan during the Taliban rule. Reading this made me so grateful for the many blessings I have living in America - and although our country is not perfect - we are truly blessed to live here.

If your looking for an inspiring and bold novel - I would definitely recommend this one!

Dear Gavin

Dear Gavin,

Tonight we came to visit you for family home evening. It was so fun to watch Jack recognize your picture. He knows you.

Yesterday I taught a lesson in church about eternal families. I talked about you. All morning I stressed over making sure the message I wanted to give was clear. I worried my emotions would take over and I wouldn't be able to say what I wanted to. However, telling your story is so natural when it comes to talking about eternal families. You are what helped me gain my testimony in that.

I am so grateful for our time with you Gav. You taught me more than you will ever understand. I love you. Everything about you.

Love,

Momma

Grandpa Dave's Office

Today we went for a visit to Grandpa Dave's office and Aunt Kelley took this picture. How cute Jack posing as his Grandpa Dave - otherwise known as DJM?

Trial Or Opportunity?

Days like today still happen. That familiar pit in my stomach has returned to share the day with me. It colors the way I see things. It reiterates the importance of life, and in a way it rejuvenates my soul. I am reminded of things I have learned and things I continue to learn.

Last night Jason and I were reading from the March 2010 Ensign. In the article "Learning Through Life's Trials" a paragraph jumped out at me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day. I figured it was something I needed to write down.

Trials give us opportunities to show the Lord and ourselves that we will be faithful. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves and ask, "Why me?" or we can grow from our trials, increase our faith in the Lord and ask, "How can I be faithful in the midst of this trial?" We can let adversity break us down and make us bitter, or we can let it refine us and make us stronger. We can allow adversity to lead us to drift away from things that matter most, or we can use it as a stepping-stone to grow closer to things of eternal worth.

President Harold B. Lee once remarked: "Sometimes when we are going through the most severe tests, we will be nearer to God than we have any idea."

So, on days like today where the grief is raw and real - I am trying to remember to prove myself and let it refine me.

Happy Easter

We had been anxiously awaiting a long, relaxing Easter weekend with my family at the cabin in Utah. Jack had a great time playing with Grandma Cindy, Grandpa Dave and his aunts and uncles.

Grandma Cindy loved showing Jack the snow. He just couldn't understand why the "ball" kept melting. HA! We did decorate Easter eggs and gave Jack stickers to put on his egg. He tried to eat the egg and the stickers ended up on his face . . . and later on they were found in the toilet. Sneaky kid.
Lots of time was spend playing old video games.

And of course, Jack had a visit from the Easter Bunny.

Jack seemed a little more interested in this Easter Egg Hunt. Perhaps it was all the attention he received from the 10 adults when he picked up each egg.

The Help

I just finished another great read this month. Our book club pick was "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. It's about the domestic help in Jackson, Mississippi during the beginning of the civil rights movement. The three main characters are absolutely fascinating. It took a bit for me to get into it, but once I did, I couldn't put it down.

Now, I better clean up the house that has been neglected for the past week!

Jack's Easter Outfit

Pretty darn cute, if I say so myself.

Early Easter Egg Hunt

Today some friends and I had an Easter Egg Hunt for our kids.

I thought it was fun . . . Jack could have cared less!

So much for egg hunting this year.

We will save it for next Easter!

Some Bad Habits

Today Jack walked into the room where I was working with his clothes looking like this . . .Apparently the sippy cup/spitting habit isn't broken yet.

Matty's Mission Call

My little brother received his mission call this week!

In July he leaves for the Mexico City North mission for two years. Matty, you are such a great example of service. We love you!

Time To Celebrate!

Time to celebrate with a little of this . . . and a little of this . . .

Drum roll please . . .

The kitchen is done!

Of course there are always the little decorations, back splash and window treatments to be done - but the cabinets are finished!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

Today I find myself . . . LUCKY!

(I found this craft idea on a blog and decided to attempt it with a friend one evening. I think I like the way it turned out!)

Lead Me, Guide Me, Walk Beside Me

Over the course of this last week I have had many reminders of how precious life is. Wednesday was the two year mark of the passing away of a sweet baby girl of some of our dear friends. Also, this week I spoke with another wonderful friend who just received news that her six month old nephew passed away from SIDS that morning. Many other conversations and occurrences have brought to mind the reminder of grief and the road that so many of us are asked to walk down.

As I reflected on the feeling of loss and grief this week I felt overwhelmed by the loneliness that is left in my heart. I ached for those who were suffering this week and was genuinely trying to "mourn with those that mourn." Sometimes this road seems too much to handle on our own. At one particular moment of sadness the lyrics to a primary song popped into my head.

I am a child of God

And He has sent me here

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear

Lead Me

Guide Me

Walk Beside Me

Help me find the way

Teach me all that I must do

To live with Him someday

This is a song I have been singing ever since ever. I was taught this song long before I could understand the meaning of it. I had an "ah-ha" moment as I thought about the last part of the song.

Lead me. Guide me. Walk beside me.

I realized that throughout these very difficult (almost) three years I have been led, guided and walked with consistently. I feel like it was a process. During my most difficult days I know I was following. I was being led by so many people. The days after Gavin passed away I remember being led by so many people. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I remember my mother saying, "You need to eat now. You need to shower and get dressed now. We need to pick out his casket today and a plot tomorrow." I needed to be led because I could not do it on my own. I needed people to find comforting words for me and listen when I needed to talk. I was surrounded by so many amazing people who help lead me. However, most of all I was lead by a kind and gentle Heavenly Father.

Our Father in Heaven does not put us down here and then abandon us. He leads us. And then when we are a little bit more stable on our feet, He guides us. He puts people in our path to help share the load of grief. He guides us to comfort and peace.

And now, almost three years later I can look back and see how He has walked beside me. He still does. And on those days where it still just hurts too much, I know that at any minute I can turn to Him and ask for guidance again.

Wednesday I was reading from the Book of Mormon and came upon the passage in Alma 7:12. It says, "And He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and He will take upon Him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy . . . that He may know how to succor His people according to their infirmities."

This passage refers to the Atonement of Christ. He was sent not only to atone for our sins, but to know our infirmities, our pain, or sorrow. He knows what we feel and how to comfort us best. I am grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful to have the privilege to look back during times of trial and see where he has led me, guided me and walked beside me.

Poor Sick Baby Jack Jack

Nothin' like a good cuddle with dad when Jack isn't feeling too hot.

Cabinet Update

The kitchen cabinets are finally coming to an end. We have seven doors left that need to be put up and decorations to put up that will help add color to a few areas - but this massive project is slowly coming to an end. YAY! I really like the way things have turned out. It's hard to see in the pictures - but the white makes everything else pop really well.

And my favorite part . . . the crown molding!
Ahem . . . perhaps it is because I stained it all myself. It's all I did for two days!

Don't Lose Your Shirt!

No, we aren't going for "that" look - I just have a hard time keeping a shirt on Jack right now. He is in a spitting and drooling phase. If I give him a sippy cup with water he lets it all fall right out of his mouth onto his shirt. Little punk! It means we are going through three shirts a day. So, today I gave up. He is going shirtless while he drinks from his sippy cup.

Gavin's Happy St. Patrick's Day

Dear Gav,
Happy early St. Patrick's Day! Last night we came to visit and decorate for you. It was so quiet and peaceful as we sat next to you and remembered all the wonderful times we shared together. I miss you so much. Some days I wish so desperately that I could hold both of my boys.

Jack was excited to see you. He kept touching your picture. I know he recognizes you. We have your picture up in our home and we tell him all about you. I hope you are watching over your little brother. He is so much fun. I know you two would have gotten into mischief and made my days crazy. I would have loved every minute of it just as much as I love every minute with Jack right now.

I hope you know how much we love you. You are never far from our thoughts. There is a place in my heart that belongs to only you. I love everything about our story, Gavin. I love you.

Love,
Momma

BOO!

Jack thinks it is quite funny to run around with his blanket over his head like a ghost right now. He blindly runs and runs until he runs right into a couch or some other obstacle. It's pretty funny.

Belated Birthday Dinner

With our kitchen under contruction for the last four weeks - my cooking has slacked. To say the least. Jason really wanted twice baked potatoes and ham for his birthday dinner.