Happy Birthday Jason!

Last night we had a birthday party for Jason, my brother James and my Grandpa. We had a super fun time and Jack even got dressed up for his dad!

Happy Birthday Jason! You are the most amazing husband and father. I couldn't have picked a better guy than you. I love you!Jack even had a few smiles for his daddy's birthday.

PS - THANK YOU for all the mommy advice. We took Jack to the doctor this week and upped his reflux meds. We have also found out the "The Happiest Baby on the Block" is a MIRACLE! He still has a fussy time, but the episodes are fewer and less intense. We are still working on figuring out Jack, but now I have lots of ideas of how to help him. THANK YOU EVERYONE!

HELP!

See this picture? This is what Jack does ALL AFTERNOON AND EVENING.

Friday he cried from 1:00 to 6:30. I finally put him in the car and drove to my parents' house so Jason and I could get out for an hour or two.

And yesterday at church - as soon as he woke up he screamed and screamed. Mind you, this was our first Sunday in our new ward. I had to pick him up and literally run out of relief society because he was so disruptive.

Last night Jason looked at me and said, "I'm kinda scared of him."

But, please, don't misunderstand us. We love him like crazy. We are grateful for the miracle he is for our family. But I just don't know what to do to make him happy!

We have taken him to the doctor, we put him in the swing, we try to let him cry it out, we drive around the block, we take him on walks, we lay him down alone on a blanket, I nurse him, we give him a pacifier, we sing to him, we walk him around, we create white noise, we use mylecon, we rub his tummy and we give him lots and lots of love.

ANY IDEAS?

Dear Gavin

Dear Gavy Bug,

I miss you so much today. I feel like I need to talk to you.

I was looking through your pictures on the computer this morning with Jack. He seemed memorized by your face. We all are. Your eyes always said so much. I think Jack must miss you. I hope you will find time to visit your little brother. He needs your powerful influence.

Having Jack here has brought a mix of emotions - especially the time we spent in the hospital when Jack was born. It was so wonderful to have him in our room with us - to be able to hold him when we wanted - to have visitors - to nurse him and bathe him. It was a miracle to watch your little brother emerge into this world healthy. But Gavin, there was pain too. Watching Jack thrive and progress has taught me just how sick your little body was and what a miracle it was to even get your for three months. As I walked down to our recovery room at the hospital I walked passed the room where I stayed after I had you. My stomach dropped to my feet every time I looked at the room number and remembered what it felt like to lay in that bed knowing that I wouldn't be taking you home anytime soon and to know that you were so sick and fighting for your life. I remember walking those same halls in a daze as our bishop, your Grandpa Dave and your dad took me to your side as they gave you a blessing. Your little body laid so straight. Your eyes didn't open and we listened to monitors beep and alarm every few seconds as the signaled your distress to us. That room, those halls all have a dual meaning now.

But, even in the mix of all the heartache, pain and fear - you gave a sense of peace and comfort. Your big, sweet spirit was communicating with us through that tiny, sweet, sick body. Sometimes I wish I could relive a moment of that pain - just because that means I would be with you again. I crave to feel your peace again.

At times I look at Jack and see you. I feel guilty to be so happy having Jack home. I feel guilty that you may think I have forgotten about you. I hope you know that no matter how busy I am with Jack you are ALWAYS right in the front of my mind. You are my son - my first son and your three months made me a better mother for Jack. You taught me about faith, hope and unconditional love. You taught me how to truly pray and ask for a miracle. You also taught me how to listen and accept His will. You taught me to trust and know there are good days to be had with you ahead of us. I love you Gavin.

Please know of our love for you. Work hard and know that your momma, daddy and baby brother are here thinking about you.

Love,
Momma

One Month Old

I can't believe Jack is already a month old! My sister in law was down here a week ago and took some awesome one month pictures of Jack. We got a few with mom and of course a few with a soccer ball for dad . . .

At one month old Jack is:
- attempting a schedule (haven't mastered that yet)
- sleeping about four hours at a time at night
- grunts all night even in his sleep
- smiling
- making cooing noises
- holding up his head
- eating . . . a lot (at our last doctor's appointment he weighed close to nine pounds - I bet he is over 10 pounds now)
- has a bit of a reflux problem
- can scream and cry with the best of 'em
- has a crying fit every day from about 5:30pm to 8:00pm (poor Jason has to hear it from the minute he walks in the door from work)
-has been on one grocery shopping trip and behaved!
- likes to go on morning walks
- had his first babysitter . . . Grandpa Dave!
- has spent a three day weekend at Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Dave's cabin
- has been on a road trip in Grandpa Dave's big truck
- likes to be cuddled
- loves the Baby Mine Lullaby CD and Jack Johnson's Brushfire Fairytale CD
- makes momma and daddy very happy and grateful every day

Like Mother Like Son

Jack is wearing the same Ohio State sweatshirt I wore when I was his age! Good thing grandma Cindy saved it all these years!

What We Have Been Up To Lately

Spending some time with cousins . . . Playing with Aunt Becca at the cabin over President's Day Weekend . . . A little bit of this . . .

And having dad teach us all the important things about life. :)

Brothers

This is how I like to picture things . . . Gavin watching over his little brother.

Our Family of Four

Angels

This last week I was talking with one of my friends who is also an angel mommy. She reminded me of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk on angels in the October General Conference. I decided to go back and reread his talk hoping to find a little comfort - I have been missing Gavin so much lately. Having Jack has made me realize so much how sick Gavin was and it has also made my heart ache because of all the things we missed out on with him. As I read the talk, there were a few things that stood out in my mind.

When speaking about heavenly angels, Elder Holland said,

"But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult time."

He then went on to talk about earthly angels,

"But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day."

I know that Gavin is my heavenly angel. I have felt his comfort and love so many times. But, as I read this talk again, I began to think more and more about earthly angels. This last Saturday I was able to visit with one of these earthly angels. One of Gavin's nurses from PCMC was coming through Vegas and stopped by to visit and to meet Jack. Catherine and so many other have truly blessed our lives and given us comfort during times of trials and heartache. Knowing that sweet, intelligent people were caring for Gavin was such a relief for me during Gavin's stay in the NICU. I am overwhelmed thinking about all the wonderful people here in Vegas and in Salt Lake that cared for and loved Gavin. Their love for us and Gavin comforted me during my time of grief.

We have been blessed by these people so much. We were fortunate enough to have one of the Valley NICU nurses and respiratory therapists present at Jack's birth. Not only were they there for their job - but I truly believe they cared enough about our family to be a support system for us. We had so many wonderful nurses and NICU staff visit us after Jack was born. It felt so good to know people remembered Gavin and our family.

I also go back and think about the nurses, doctors, physical therapists, specialists and respiratory therapists at PCMC. We were blessed with special nurses the day Gavin left us and with a doctor who was so respectful and kind during such a difficult experience.

It is true that Heavenly Father sends angels to help us. Some we can't see and some we find in friends and family. I am so grateful to these angels and to my Heavenly Father who knew what I needed and who I needed to bless my life and the life of my family.

Me, Jack and Gavin's nurse Catherine who came to visit on Saturday.

Bath Time

Jack seems to get really cranky in the evenings and it was suggested that we give him a bath at night to help calm him. This was his first non-spongebath bath. He really seemed to enjoy it.

We ended up with a happier baby for the evening. . .

Jack's Baby Blessing

Today we blessed our cute Jack Jason Bailey at church. It was a very sweet experience to share with our family members and all of our friends in our ward. This baby blessing was very different from the baby blessing that was given to Gavin . . . but that is a post for another day.

The day was so beautiful and Jack was able to wear the little blessing outfit that Jason was blessed in as a baby and we used the blanket Gavin was blessed in. I happen to think he looked pretty cute!