Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
As a mother who has a child "here" and a child "there" I have this inner struggle whether or not to include Gavin's name on things such as Christmas cards, thank you notes, birthday cards, etc. It is something I think about every time I write our names on anything. Think about how many times you sign your family's name. EVERY TIME I do that I am in conflict whether or not to sign Gavin's name. I debate: If I sign his name, is that odd? unhealthy? morbid? If I don't sign his name, will people think I have forgotten him? will people still remember he is part of our family? will Gavin think he isn't an important part of our family? And each time I think about it, I am reminded of the loss and grief we still feel. It is not something I take lightly - it is pure heartache anyway you look at it.
It is painful, to say the least, to not write all of my childrens' names on our Christmas card. However, this Christmas card was a representation of 2009 for our family. And wish all I may that it could be different, Gavin was not physically present in our lives in 2009. That being said, Gavin is very much a part of our everyday life. We speak of him every day and there has yet to be a day where I haven't thought of him. His picture is up in our home, his stocking is still hanging above our fireplace and we visit him often at the cemetery.
Our decision to not list Gavin on our Christmas card was not out of neglect nor are we "over" the loss of Gavin in our lives. It was a decision made in reflection of the year 2009 for our family. And for many personal reasons - this was our decision for this year.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
. . . waiting for Santa . . .
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I love your laugh. I love your goofy four toothed grin. I love your energy and hyper-ness. I love how you exhaust me. I love how you crawl all over me. I love how you giggle when I put you in bed with your blanket. I love how you let me hold you before your afternoon nap. I love that you give me kisses. I love how you make me smile. I love how you help me find the beauty and joy in life.
I love you Jack Jack.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I am so grateful for these tangible memories of Gavin.
Monday, December 14, 2009
This month Jack:
- has learned to climb the stairs without help (always supervised though)
- loves to play with other kids
- talks all the time (must be my child)
- loves to play the scaring game (he yells. we scream. he laughs)
- has taken a few steps on his own without holding onto anything
- crawls around the house yelling, "DADADADADA!" all day while Jason is at work
- cuddles with mom and dad (finally!) for about two minutes before he goes to bed
- when he gets mad he crawls around with his forehead pressed to the carpet in frustration
- scrunches up his nose and breathes really fast when he is all done eating
- has tried to crawl on top of his highchair to get over to the island in our kitchen (THAT was scary!)
- would rather feed himself than let us feed him - however, he still has me hold his bottle . . . or maybe that is ME wanting to hold his bottle (What? Is it that bad?! HA!)
- does a funny little arm-swinging dance when he hears music - even in church!
All in all, Jack is a pretty good kid. We have our moments where we want to pull each other's hair out but I am just crazy for this little guy who is so full of life and personality. I mean, who could resist this . . .