As of today Jack is a day older than Gavin lived to be. Some may say that is a morbid thought. I say that is our reality. And it's all I can think about today.
I know this is a very personal post - I hope you don't mind me sharing my inner thoughts and a part of my grief. I think about this day in Gavin's life. It was the day after we said good bye. That day was full of emotions. I felt so much peace, but we were in the midst of making some decisions a parent shouldn't ever have to make.
A parent shouldn't ever have to pick out a two foot casket or decide on a resting place for their child. But reality is that some parents do. Some children leave this earth and some stay. I don't know why Gavin's mission was to return at only three months and one day and Jack has been allowed to stay. I don't know why Gavin was given a body that didn't function well and why Jack has a healthy normal body.
However, I do know that time has helped us heal. I never thought I could say that. The pain is always there, but time has helped me see and understand the bigger plan. Time has given me the chance to accept what I cannot change and to have another chance to love another little boy.
I never knew I could love another little boy the way I love Gavin, but I do. And I appreciate Jack more than I ever imagined I would have.
This day is a big day for our family. We are finally beginning to feel like we get to "keep" Jack - and that is a miracle.