Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
As I reflected on the feeling of loss and grief this week I felt overwhelmed by the loneliness that is left in my heart. I ached for those who were suffering this week and was genuinely trying to "mourn with those that mourn." Sometimes this road seems too much to handle on our own. At one particular moment of sadness the lyrics to a primary song popped into my head.
I am a child of God
And He has sent me here
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear
Walk Beside Me
Help me find the way
Teach me all that I must do
To live with Him someday
This is a song I have been singing ever since ever. I was taught this song long before I could understand the meaning of it. I had an "ah-ha" moment as I thought about the last part of the song.
Lead me. Guide me. Walk beside me.
I realized that throughout these very difficult (almost) three years I have been led, guided and walked with consistently. I feel like it was a process. During my most difficult days I know I was following. I was being led by so many people. The days after Gavin passed away I remember being led by so many people. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I remember my mother saying, "You need to eat now. You need to shower and get dressed now. We need to pick out his casket today and a plot tomorrow." I needed to be led because I could not do it on my own. I needed people to find comforting words for me and listen when I needed to talk. I was surrounded by so many amazing people who help lead me. However, most of all I was lead by a kind and gentle Heavenly Father.
Our Father in Heaven does not put us down here and then abandon us. He leads us. And then when we are a little bit more stable on our feet, He guides us. He puts people in our path to help share the load of grief. He guides us to comfort and peace.
And now, almost three years later I can look back and see how He has walked beside me. He still does. And on those days where it still just hurts too much, I know that at any minute I can turn to Him and ask for guidance again.
Wednesday I was reading from the Book of Mormon and came upon the passage in Alma 7:12. It says, "And He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and He will take upon Him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy . . . that He may know how to succor His people according to their infirmities."
This passage refers to the Atonement of Christ. He was sent not only to atone for our sins, but to know our infirmities, our pain, or sorrow. He knows what we feel and how to comfort us best. I am grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful to have the privilege to look back during times of trial and see where he has led me, guided me and walked beside me.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
And my favorite part . . . the crown molding!
Ahem . . . perhaps it is because I stained it all myself. It's all I did for two days!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Happy early St. Patrick's Day! Last night we came to visit and decorate for you. It was so quiet and peaceful as we sat next to you and remembered all the wonderful times we shared together. I miss you so much. Some days I wish so desperately that I could hold both of my boys.
Jack was excited to see you. He kept touching your picture. I know he recognizes you. We have your picture up in our home and we tell him all about you. I hope you are watching over your little brother. He is so much fun. I know you two would have gotten into mischief and made my days crazy. I would have loved every minute of it just as much as I love every minute with Jack right now.
I hope you know how much we love you. You are never far from our thoughts. There is a place in my heart that belongs to only you. I love everything about our story, Gavin. I love you.