Choices . . . According To Jack

Here is a conversation I had with Jack today:

Me: Would you like to rock in the rocking chair with mom OR go right to bed?
Jack: Ummm . . . go to Pa's house.
Me: Not one of the choices. Rock or go to bed?
Jack: Take a bath.
Me: That isn't a choice either. Rock or go to bed?
Jack: Play on slide.
Me: Jack . . . rock or bed?
Jack: Go to church.
(Seriously? The kid would rather go to church than rock with me?!)
Me: Okay, Jack - good night.
Jack: OOOHHH! Let's rocky!

Gavin's Birthday Basket

It has been so nice to have a tradition of Gavin's Birthday Basket. Each year we take the money we would have spent on a birthday gift for Gavin and make a basket for a baby at the NICU where Gavin was taken care of. It feels good to do something good.

This year when we took the basket to the hospital we were able to see the nurse that was at his delivery and who cared for him often. It is always special to be able to see those who knew him.

What To Do On A Day Like This?

I am never quite sure what to do with myself on Gavin's birthday.

Do I spend the day at the cemetery?

Do I do my normal routine?

I just never really know what to do.

So this is what we did on Gavin's birthday-day.

We went to get doughnuts . . .

And then we built Jack's version of a fort . . .

And spent the day with these two kiddos . . .

. . . cause I am pretty sure that is what a four year old would want to do on his birthday.

Gavin's 4th Birthday Party

This week we celebrated Gavin's 4th birthday. I had a few friends that did pinwheel parties for their angel babies - so I copied them. It was really fun to have Jack help me make a bunch to decorate the cake and table with.

All morning Jack sang "Happy Birthday Gavin"

I am so grateful for these times where we get to remember and reflect on our time with Gavin and teach our other children about him and the Plan of Happiness.

Dear Gavin

Dear Gavin,

Happy 4th Birthday! It is amazing where life has taken us over these last four years. Your birth and time with us here on earth changed everything. Sometimes I thought we were given the difficult hand in life with losing you - but I have come to realize that this has and is and will be one of the greatest treasures and blessings of our lives. Of course I desperately miss you and wish I could look into those big blue eyes every day - but I know where you are. You were welcomed home into the arms of our Savior and our Heavenly Father. You are with them and so many other loved ones. I am grateful for the knowledge and the knowledge that you are happy. And while life here without you may seem long and a bit lonely at times - there are precious moments I can still feel you by my side as I learn to mother these two sweet brothers of yours. Please come be with us often.

I love you Gavin. You were my first baby and the love I felt for you is one of the most remarkable feelings I have ever had. You are my sweet little bug and I can't wait to one day see your happy face again.

I love you bug.

Love,
Your Momma

Underwear Man To The Resuce!

I'm thinking potty training may be a challenge with this one . . .

Rain, Rain, Come Our Way!

Jack has the rain boots!

Now we need the rain!

The Shack

I have felt quite a bit of trepidation as we approach this upcoming week with Gavin's 4th birthday. It feels much more difficult for me this year than it did last year. That is just how my grief comes.

In waves.

As I have been anticipating his birthday this year I find myself at times questioning our whole experience and the challenges we were faced with. Even though I have faith and know that God is kind and merciful - I can feel myself being tempted and persuaded to believe otherwise. I begin to wonder why He would let something so difficult happen to Gavin - to my husband - to me - to our families.

As I reflect and remember those three short months with Gavin I have prayed for peace and comfort. Today I received an overwhelming feeling of comfort as I sat with a sweet child in church who has some special needs. Once again, I felt His loving arms wrapped around me and I KNOW that this is all for a reason and a purpose and the only thing we have control over now is how we respond and react to our feelings and emotions.

Last month for book club we read the book "The Shack" by William Young. There was a passage in the book that I marked and have read over and over.

"The Great Sadness would not be part of his identity any longer. He knew now that Missy wouldn't care if he refused to put it on. In fact, she wouldn't want him to huddle in that shroud and would likely grieve for him if he did."

The Great Sadness comes and goes in my life now. While I always have a very, very special place in my heart for Gavin, I try to not let the sadness overpower me. What once began as a shroud of grief has opened up - letting rays of sunshine in an warming my aching heart. Of course there are days where the clouds come and the rain pours, but they are scattered now. I can choose to let in the sun and feel His loving embrace during those difficult days.

My Kings

The other night I had some crowns on my counter for a church girls camp activity. Jack went nuts looking at them so Jason helped him make one for himself! And one for Owen too, of course.

Blast From The Past

My mom saved this Ohio State sweatshirt for me so my kids could wear it!

It has been fun to dress the boys in it.

(Me)

(Jack)(Owen)

A Glimpse Into My Future With Boys

Awhile ago I found that Jack was crawling into Owen's bed when Owen was supposed to be napping.

This must be a glimpse into my future.

Those mischievous little guys!

Who's Kid Is This Anyway?

Today Jack INSISTED on wearing this outfit.

Pajamas from Alcatraz and his Ohio State jacket . . . WITH the hood.

I tried to convince him that it wouldn't be comfortable in 112 degree heat but he wouldn't have it any other way.

Wonder where he gets that fire and stubbornness from . . .

(And if you don't know where it comes from . . . that would be from ME)

Owen's First Rice Cereal

We are at that next stage with Owen! He started rice cereal today! I feel like the time is flying by with Owen. It makes me happy to see him progressing and growing - but a little sad that he isn't a little baby anymore!

All in all, he did pretty well!

What Do You Do . . .

. . . if your stuffed monkey has a tummy ache?

Answer according to Jack . . .

I found Jack's stuffed monkey "de-stuffed" after a recent nap. When I asked why he pulled it apart he said, "He had a tummy ache."

Time With Grandma and Grandpa Bailey

While we were gone in San Francisco, Jason's parents watched the boys. I was so relieved to know the boys were in good hands and with people who loved them so much. The boys had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa Bailey and were spoiled MUCHO!

San Francisco

Jason and I took a MUCH needed kid-less vacation this last week. We hadn't left Jack for more than a night and we hadn't ever left Owen over night. However, when Grandma and Grandpa Bailey offered to watch the boys while we left for a bit - we jumped at the opportunity.

The vacation was awesome. I missed the boys, but it was so nice to get away and have some one on one time with Jason.

Giant's Game

Pier 39

Nothin' like a little vacation to bring the silly out in ya!

A Kid In A Candy Store

We found this store on the Pier and Jason was like a kid in a candy store.

WAIT! He WAS a kid in a candy store.

(Insert laughter here - I just think I am so funny!)

I won't even tell you how much time he spent selecting his taffy and I definitely won't tell you how much we spent there . . .

Ghirardelli Square