Over these past five weeks, my life has completely changed. I knew that life would change when we had children, but I never knew it would be this much. It is hard to find solace and comfort when your baby is critically ill in the intensive care unit, and there is nothing you can do to help him. It is exhausting to go down to the NICU several times a day just to see your baby and to watch as doctors and nurses work on him. I get butterflies every time I step foot in the hospital because I fear for my son's life. I don't want to be depressing, but honestly. . . how can a mother do this without having a few bad moments? Some days are getting easier, but
some days are excruciating. However, I find comfort and peace in one thing. . . Gavin, Jason and I are an eternal family. I love this picture of Gavin holding on to my finger. As we looked at this picture, my mother pointed out that everything in it is white. For some reason, this picture brings me so much comfort. It reminds me of the big picture in life. This life isn't about who is wealthier, more beautiful or smarter. . . this life is about family and those we love. The size of your home or the type of car you drive is irrelevant in the big scheme of things. I am ashamed that it has taken this for me to understand this principle. I think I have always understood it in theory, but I haven't lived it until this point in my life. My little Gavin will have issues, and it will take years to understand many of them. I find comfort in the gospel. I find comfort in knowing that those around Gavin at this point in his life will love him no matter what differences he may have. As Jason and I talked tonight we decided that Gavin is the most important thing we have ever done. At one point I prided myself in my college degree, career and my future goals and aspirations. Every goal has changed in my life. . . it's not that I have set aside my personal goals, but I understand that I will now be a mother, teacher, therapist and nurse to my little boy. And you know what? There is nothing I would rather do.
6 comments:
Love the two pics! It is such a blessing that we know that families are eternal. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that knowledge. It's crazy the things that happen that change our perspective in life. Our thoughts and prayers are always with the three of you. Give us a call sometime- even if you just feel like talking or you're hungry and need some food. We love ya
What a beautiful inspiration to us all, that you and Gavin and Jason are! I am so grateful to have you in our lives. These are gorgeous pictures!
Did I ever tell you that you are my heroes? I know it sounds like a cliche, or that I may possibly be Bette Midler, but the truth of the matter is that you three are one dynamic team. I love you all.
Jason and Lindsay,
I have been wanting to leave a comment for a while now, but wasn't sure if it would be appropriate for me to or not.....or if you would even remember me. But, we just wanted to let you guys know that Geoff and I were thinking about you guys and your little one, and wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. God sends us trails to make us stronger, and He also blesses us. And look at what a beautiful blessing you have in your life. Gavin is very lucky to have such great parents, and loving family and friends to rally around him. You guys take care!!!!
I'm so glad that I finally got to see pictures of Gavin! What an angel (although I'm sure you already know)! You and Jason both have such strong spirits and I know that Heavenly Father blessed you with Gavin just for the reason that you said...He knew that you two would be the best to take care of him. I'm here for you for whatever you need.:)
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