The first glimpse of this picture gave me an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude. It was an immediate realization that I had so much to be grateful for. I have a son who has made that transition from this life to the next - and he is happy. What more could a mother ask for than a happy child? I have the knowledge that while I may not be able to see Gavin here, I have the opportunity to be with him again after this life. I am grateful for the knowledge and a belief system that can help me cope with losing a child and I am grateful that I have a Savior who understands all of my joys, happiness, grief, worry and anxiety. Gavin has taught me so much. I never knew that I could look back and say that I am grateful for "this." We have been given a gift of a sweet son who will always be a part of our lives. I also have been given the opportunity to make myself a better individual and I have been blessed with a more clear picture of the important things in life. Yes, there are difficult parts to this too - but I feel so much gratitude today.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Do you ever have one of those days where life just seems a bit overwhelming? I had one of those days recently. Life just seemed like a bit much . . . too much to do and not enough time. Our insurance company isn't paying Gavin's medical bills yet and we are having to fight much more than I anticipated. But, really? A year later and we are still dealing with it? I constantly worry about the health of our new baby - and that anxiety is consuming a lot of the time. It just felt like too much for me the other day when I sat in the darkness of Gavin's room at home. I wanted to cry out of frustration. I know most of you know the kind of feeling I am talking about.
As I sat on the baseball beanbag chair we have in Gavin's room, my eyes were immediately drawn to this picture on the shelf.