"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Monday, August 11, 2008


Do you ever have one of those days where life just seems a bit overwhelming? I had one of those days recently. Life just seemed like a bit much . . . too much to do and not enough time. Our insurance company isn't paying Gavin's medical bills yet and we are having to fight much more than I anticipated. But, really? A year later and we are still dealing with it? I constantly worry about the health of our new baby - and that anxiety is consuming a lot of the time. It just felt like too much for me the other day when I sat in the darkness of Gavin's room at home. I wanted to cry out of frustration. I know most of you know the kind of feeling I am talking about.
As I sat on the baseball beanbag chair we have in Gavin's room, my eyes were immediately drawn to this picture on the shelf.

The first glimpse of this picture gave me an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude. It was an immediate realization that I had so much to be grateful for. I have a son who has made that transition from this life to the next - and he is happy. What more could a mother ask for than a happy child? I have the knowledge that while I may not be able to see Gavin here, I have the opportunity to be with him again after this life. I am grateful for the knowledge and a belief system that can help me cope with losing a child and I am grateful that I have a Savior who understands all of my joys, happiness, grief, worry and anxiety. Gavin has taught me so much. I never knew that I could look back and say that I am grateful for "this." We have been given a gift of a sweet son who will always be a part of our lives. I also have been given the opportunity to make myself a better individual and I have been blessed with a more clear picture of the important things in life. Yes, there are difficult parts to this too - but I feel so much gratitude today.


Devin, Morgan & Antigone said...

I think sometimes it's amazing how anxiety can consume you. We were probably both feeling it at the same time, I'm sure for completely different reasons. But Heavenly Father is so sweet the way he can calm me down when I ask him to help me out. I don't think I could live life without him. :)

Cindy said...

I am sorry you are having to seal with those yucky insurance companies!
We had the most amazing lesson in relief society on Sunday! It was about death...our teacher lost her son when he was 9 years old to brain cancer. She made a really good point when she said she finally came to the understanding that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us... and only the most richeous spirits are taken when they are young. They are just too perfect to live in this wicked world and they have more important work to do in heaven. They are so happy and I am sure your Gavin is always watching over you guys!