"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Happy March!

In Las Vegas March means spring time. It is finally getting warmer and this last weekend was a perfect opportunity to visit Jack's big brother Gavin and decorate for St. Patrick's Day. I had an adorable outfit for Jack to wear for the occasion (even if Jason rolled his eyes) and we had a nice morning sitting outside telling Jack all about his big brother. Experiencing life and death in such a short time frame has been miraculous and difficult. Gavin would have been a year and a half now and I always wonder what life would be like is he was still here with us. I miss him. Jason misses him. And, somehow, I really think Jack misses him. Every morning when I take Jack for his diaper change we walk past Gavin's picture and we say, "Good morning brother Gavin!" Sometimes I see Jack express a look of familiarity as he stares at Gavin's picture.
I still wish when I looked in my rear view mirror I was looking at two car seats instead of one. I wish when we went for our morning walks I was pushing a double stroller. I wish I was rocking two little boys to sleep and singing lullabies to brothers.
But the joy of having Jack has eased a bit of the pain. I know nothing will ever take all the pain away but it has felt so good to hold another baby and kiss his sweet face. He is such a tender mercy in our lives and I love being his mother.
In fact, Jack gets A LOT of love. I think he gets tired of it sometimes . . . the picture says it all.
heh heh heh


-erika :) said...

That picture is hilarious, I almost spit out my food. You are so lucky to have such sweet handsome boys, who can apperantly be quite clear about their feelings. :)

cassi said...

That is the cutest little outfit he has on!

And I love the decorations for Gavin. It just makes me happy to decorate with little holiday things too.

Your boys sure have great parents!

Teresa, Brandon and Xander said...

wow, what a fun day for your family. I really admire all that you do to keep your cute little family together despite the challenges you have had. I don't know how you do it. YOu are just such a good mommy, and those little boys will never forget that. I also wanted to direct you to a friend of mine's blog who also lost a child, they have this cool link where this family writes names in the sand of lost children on a beach in Australia and takes a picture for you. It's so beautiful and peaceful to look at, thought you might be interested. Go to my blog and look at Jennifer & Joseph. You experience has greatly touched my life, thank you for sharing.

April said...

Two of the cutest little boys. How sweet and fun to visit his grave and that you talk about him to his little brother. You are a great mother and one I look up to. I lost my son Harrison at 21 weeks and I know the day will come when I will have another one and be happy. Thank you for that.

Jeff and Lisa said...

He is so cute!

Heather and Billy said...

That last picture is AWESOME! I think, personally, that as Jack gets older and can talk to you that he will have a lot more understanding and knowledge than you expect. I am always amazed at my children telling me about my mom passing away, the Ressurection, and life after death. And they say it all so matter-of-fact and just how it is. They know and I have no doubt that Jack recognizes Gavin.