In Las Vegas March means spring time. It is finally getting warmer and this last weekend was a perfect opportunity to visit Jack's big brother Gavin and decorate for St. Patrick's Day. I had an adorable outfit for Jack to wear for the occasion (even if Jason rolled his eyes) and we had a nice morning sitting outside telling Jack all about his big brother. Experiencing life and death in such a short time frame has been miraculous and difficult. Gavin would have been a year and a half now and I always wonder what life would be like is he was still here with us. I miss him. Jason misses him. And, somehow, I really think Jack misses him. Every morning when I take Jack for his diaper change we walk past Gavin's picture and we say, "Good morning brother Gavin!" Sometimes I see Jack express a look of familiarity as he stares at Gavin's picture.
I still wish when I looked in my rear view mirror I was looking at two car seats instead of one. I wish when we went for our morning walks I was pushing a double stroller. I wish I was rocking two little boys to sleep and singing lullabies to brothers.
But the joy of having Jack has eased a bit of the pain. I know nothing will ever take all the pain away but it has felt so good to hold another baby and kiss his sweet face. He is such a tender mercy in our lives and I love being his mother.
In fact, Jack gets A LOT of love. I think he gets tired of it sometimes . . . the picture says it all.
heh heh heh