"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Unique Parenting Situation

I am a mom.
I have two little boys.
One is "here"
and one is "there."
I fully intend on having each boy know the other even if they aren't having the opportunity to grow up together. I talk to Jack every day about his big brother Gavin. We have Gavin's pictures next to Jack's on our picture wall. They are brothers that will grow up separately.

My belief (http://www.lds.org/) is that if a child passes away before the age of accountability (8 years old) they were valiant and righteous enough that they didn't need to prove themselves here. We believe those that die before the age of accountability inherit heaven without going through this life and the trials and tests we all encounter here.

Here is where the dilemma for a parent comes into play:

As we raise Jack and teach him about his big brother Gavin, we have to be careful not to "idolize" Gavin. My father has often said, "a dead man does no wrong." Jason and I have talked at great lengths about this concept. It is our hope that we never make Jack feel inadequate. I hope that I can raise Jack with a love and respect for his older brother, but to also have him understand how much we love him too.

Jack has been such a joy in our lives. He has already brightened so many sad places in my heart. I honestly never thought I could be happy like this again after Gavin passed away. Everyday I spend with Jack I love him more and more. I find I am so grateful for all the "normal" things I wouldn't have noticed had we not had our experience with Gavin. Jack has helped me feel that love unconditionally again that a mother craves to give.

I love you my Jackster.


Natalie.Rob.Branson said...

Rob and I talk about that a lot too. We want Branson to always be such a real part of our family...we want his brothers and sisters to know him and to feel close to him. However, we worry about those things too.
We pray a lot that the next little spirit that joins our family will be one that has an especially understanding heart. We pray that this next little spirit will be able to know and recognize how special his older brother is all while knowing how much we love them and how grateful we are that they're here with us.
My prayers are with you as you face these worries in a very real way right now.

Jeff and Lisa said...

I am amazed at your insight and feelings. I am sure that you and your husband will be amazing at keeping it all balanced, you already seem to. Such a strong mama!