I went back to work this week. Yes, finally I am getting a routine back. Those of you who really know me know that I thrive on routine. The past four months have been anything BUT routine. It's been quite an adjustment to actually have a daily routine. I was able to go back to my same job at the law firm, and I am so grateful to have that opportunity. I have had a hard time getting used to life this way again. I know it's not a rational thought at all, but I feel guilty going back to work. I feel guilty because I feel like I am betraying Gavin. I know it doesn't make ANY sense at all . . . but that's how I feel. For the past four months I have done nothing but take care of Gavin, the insurance companies, medical bills, plots and headstones. Now, it's done. There is nothing left to physically do for Gavin. It's time to get back to work. It's an odd feeling to have been mentally prepared to stay at home full time with a VERY high needs child - and now I am back at work doing the same thing I was doing six months ago. I can't rationally justify my thinking - I guess that's called emotions. I am glad to be back - I know it will be good for me. I really love my job.
3 comments:
It makes sense to me. All of it.
There's nobody like you. You're the best.
A lot of my "mommy" thoughts don't make much logical sense either. I think they often come more from the heart and the head. That makes them a lot harder to explain in my book. Who ever said how you feel had to make sense though? It's how you feel regardless of the reasons...
Makes perfect sense to me too. I would feel the same way.
Post a Comment