"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

A Little More Information About My Gavy

I know it's been awhile since I have posted . . . Jason and I have been gone for a week in Hawaii. The Hawaii post will come later, but we received some pretty important news regarding our little Gavin the night before we left. On Wednesday January 9th I received a call from PCMC with the final results of Gavin's tests and autopsy. Perhaps some of you may disapprove of the idea of an autopsy - I know I wasn't too fond of the idea either - but we knew this was one way we could possibly receive some answers to Gavin's issues. We knew it would also help determine whether or not it will be wise to have any more children - especially if we found the issue was a genetic deformity.

We received the test reports Thursday evening and we had a conference call with Dr. Coulter (the admitting physician for Gavin at PCMC NICU). I could go on and on about the findings, but the overall diagnosis was still not identified as a genetic abnormality. They looked into many different syndrome clusters, but Gavin did not seem to fit into any of them perfectly. (Tell me something we didn't already know, huh!) However, they looked into Gavin's brain and central nervous system. From a gross (or outer) examination Gavin's brain was developed correctly, however he didn't not have an identifiable thyroid gland and his pituitary gland was extraordinarily small. When they examined the tissues of the brain on a microscopic level (looking at the cells) they found that the cells didn't form correctly. Even the most primitive part of the brain wasn't formed correctly on a microscopic level - thus making reflexes like gagging, sucking, swallowing, and even breathing difficult. In fact, Gavin did not see, smell, taste or hear - the only sense he had was touch. I have one nurse of Gavin's from PCMC that I still keep in contact with. Every time she sends an email she talks about how Gavin would hold out his little right hand waiting for someone to hold his hand. What a calm, sweet, patient boy. He knew that someone would be there to touch him if he would just hold his hand out . . . what a wonderful lesson to all of us. All we have to do is hold out our hand, just as Gavin did - and the Savior will be there to comfort us.

So in short (as my dad stated it) Gavin's problems were most likely the result of faulty formation of his brain and central nervous system during the early days of formation for no particular reason. This is know as a congenital birth defect that caused other problems and abnormalities. There was also evidence that with each breathing/blue "episode" Gavin was developing more and more brain damage. In summary, Dr. Coulter told us that Gavin's brain and central nervous system defects were inconsistent with human life.

Jason asked Dr. Coulter what the normal life expectancy was of a child with issues such as Gavin's. Dr. Coulter indicated that children with this type of problem usually are miscarried or stillborn - and if they make it to "mortality" they may live days or weeks - usually not months - never years. At that moment I realized that all of the petitioning and requests that were made on Gavin's behalf was truly answered from the Lord. We were given three months with a little boy who had a body that never should have operated for that long. We were able to touch, love and hold him. I was able to be a mother to a perfect baby boy who continues to be the light of my life. There isn't a day I don't miss my blonde haired, blue eyed sweet Gavy - but I do know a few things about his personality. I know that he was was a peaceful example of patience and he was a true fighter. Gavin did not have to be here - he remained with us until we understood his plan. He was a fighter and he stayed here to make his mom and dad happy and give us wonderful memories. I look back at the three months we had with Gavin, and I know that I have eternity to look forward to.

PS - Don't you just love this picture? It was difficult to read Gavin's facial expressions - but there were times I KNEW he was happy and excited - this was one of them. I love my little bug.


Malia said...

I know you've been anticipating those results for a long time...I'm relieved for you that you finally have some more answers. What an amazing little boy...and you and Jason are pretty amazing as well.

T-Ray said...

Gavin is the strongest human being I have ever known. He taught me so much. I love him.

misti said...

I am really glad you got the results. Sometimes not knowing is the hardest. We all still think about you and Gavin (Valley NICU). You really touched so many. I am glad you were able to go to Hawaii.

Henich Family said...

Lindsay and Jason,

I don't know if you are planning on attending our 10 year reunion...but I would like to hold a contest. It would be who can collect the most pop tops so we can donate them in Gavin's name. I would like to post something on our the granger 98 blog, so any encouragement or info you could give will help!

Hope all is well,


aaron and allee said...

Oh, Lindsay! I don't know you, but I linked over from Marcae's blog. Your testimony is beautiful and has left me in tears...how wonderful is the promise of eternity. You are a hero of mine. May our Father in Heaven continue to bless you and yours and soften the hurt of losing Gavin.

Vanessa said...

I wasn't planning on leaving another comment, but I was in tears on this post. The term "bittersweet" doesn't begin to describe some of the answers we get, does it? How heart-wrenching to know that your baby could not see your face, or hear your voice, on earth, but what a blessing that he could feel your soft, nurturing touch. The touch of a mother...nothing can replace that. The mental image of him reaching out his precious hand, waiting for someone to touch him - it just breaks my heart, but in such a "bittersweet" way. The wonderful news is that Jesus had healed ALL of those maladies, and he is now, as a friend said to me, "Awake, more awake than we have ever been," he has more senses than we do! Everything is magnified and amazing in Heaven, lit by the Lamb of God. On earth he may have had less, but now he has More, much More than we do, or than our minds could imagine!