By Small Things

I have decided that one of my New Year's Resolutions would be to read the entire Book of Mormon by myself. Jason and I have read it together before - but this time I wanted to read it alone. So, I may be cheating - but I decided to start early. That way I have a head start for the new year.

Today when I received a phone call that my cousin Ashleigh had just given birth to a healthy baby girl my mind jumped back to 1 Nephi 16:29.

It says, " . . . by small means the Lord can bring about great things."

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I thought about the "small means" in my life and the "great things" they have brought to me.

My first "small means" came in the form of a 5 pound 6 ounce baby boy with a broken body and a powerful spirit. His birth, his life and his death have worked miracles in my life. The first time I held this little boy I was overcome with a great sense of responsibility and love. I remember thinking, "My mom loves me this much too." The love of a parent is a great thing. Much more profound than I ever anticipated it to be.

I am a changed person because of this "small mean" in my life. My eyes were opened to the reality of life and equally, the reality of the Plan of Salvation because of the Atonement of Christ.

I learned how to really pray for the first time. And I mean PRAY. Not just utter repetitive words.

He taught me how to have faith, hope and charity.

To love someone more than myself and how to set aside my selfish desires.

Sometimes I feel a little cheated that I had such a great loss at such a young age. For the rest of my life I will carry that loss of innocence and freedom any young mother deserves to have. And yet, today I feel gratitude that I was able to learn these things at the age of 25 to carry with me through the rest of my life. Heavenly Father trusted me to be the mother of our sweet Gavin - and because of that, great things have occurred in my life.

My second "small means" came to our home early this year. This one came a few pounds heavier at 7 pounds 4 ounces. Words cannot express the healing that our sweet Jack brought into our lives when we were in the waves of grief and loneliness.

I have so much gratitude for this lively and happy baby boy. His energy, personality and love has taught me how to be happy again and have hope.

Real hope.

I laugh like I never thought I would laugh again. There are moments I actually feel almost carefree again and there are times that I know Jack knows how much I need him.

Happiness is such an important part of life - and having Jack has helped me see that it is okay to be happy again and to have hope that one day I will understand more about our Heavenly Father's plan for our family.