Tonight we celebrated Gavin's second birthday. We planned a Cars birthday party - 'cause I am pretty sure that is what a two year old boy would love. We met my family at the cemetery and brought birthday balloons over to leave with Gav. We released two balloons (one for each year) with messages we had written on them as we sang Happy Birthday. I know I have said it a million time before, but this is NOT how I envisioned doing my son's birthday party.
The cemetery was so calm and peaceful. I was overcome with grief and peace at the same time. A very dear friend of mine sent me an email last night after I had talked to her about how I felt concerning Gavin's birthday and having the blessing of Jack in our lives. She pointed out that it doesn't matter how many children we have - not having Gavin here with us will leave a hole in our hearts. We may be able to cushion the hole with the happiness and joy of other children, and the hole may not be a gaping emptiness that it was at the beginning - but that hole will always exist. And that will never be filled until I get to hold Gavin in my arms again. I am so grateful for friends who understand the grief and complex feelings of losing a child. We are delighted with having Jack - but Gavin is deeply missed.
After the cemetery we headed back to my house for dinner and birthday cake. Our families and friends have been so supportive of us as we try to keep Gavin's memory alive and find joy in our family's journey.
Our family of four! :)