"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Happy 2nd Birthday Gavin

Dear Gavin,
Happy 2nd Birthday! What a special day to spend thinking about you! Last night we had a "Cars" birthday party for you. Your Aunt Becca and I spent a few hours on Saturday making your birthday cake and talking about how much we love you. Your birthday party was fun . . . but we wish you would have been there with us. We always used to joke how you would have to blow your birthday candles out through your trach. :) We would always say, "If we don't laugh about things like this, then we will cry." We try to choose to laugh, Gav. It's not always easy.

You were born at 10:01am on Friday July 27, 2007. I remember everything about that day. I remember how silent you were when you were born and how you just laid there on the table while they worked with you. I remember how you didn't respond to your APGAR test. I remember how it felt when a doctor came in to tell us that there was something wrong with you - a "syndrome"- and they couldn't tell what it was. I remember crying and praying. I remember that the first thought that came into my mind was how grateful I was for our eternal family and the knowledge that we would be together forever. No matter what happened here on earth.

Then, I remember going into the NICU to see you for the first time. You were so tiny. Only 5lbs. 6 oz. You laid so straight and made tiny little squeaks. The only sound you ever made. But Gavin, the thing I remember the very most was the way I felt when I was near you. You literally radiated peace. It was like we could communicate through our eyes. I knew you. And I knew that you knew me.

I am sure you knew your stay on earth wouldn't be long. But, we didn't. We fought hard and did everything a parent could do. Your father and I (and the rest of your family) made a real effort to be happy around you. I didn't want you to see my broken heart - I wanted you to remember your momma smiling and happy. You made me happy. I have so many beautiful and fun memories with you.

Your birthday this year is easier than last year. We were able to laugh more and celebrate you the way I wanted to. Time and love can help ease the pain of a broken heart, but nothing will ever fill the void a mother has in her heart for a child who is no longer here.
This morning I was reading from the Teachings of Joesph Smith. I read this quote, "Those who have died in Jesus Christ may expect to enter into all that fruition of joy when they come forth . . . Lay hold of these things and let not your knees or joints tremble, nor your hearts faint; and then what can earthquakes, wars and tornadoes do? nothing. All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful."

I will do the very best I can to be faithful so that we can all be together again. I love you Gavin. You changed my life forever and you have taught me more than I ever could have imagined. You are in my thoughts today and everyday.

Your Momma


Malia said...

Happy Birthday sweet Gavin! We are going to watch your video tonight and send kisses to heaven for you. We love you. You amaze me, Lindsay. Love you, too!

Kevin and Natali McKee said...

My thoughts are with you and your family today!

Natalie.Rob.Branson said...

That was beautiful, perfect for your handsome little guy. Our thoughts and prayers are with you today as you celebrate the joy that Gavin brought to your life.

Teresa, Brandon and Xander said...

you are so brave to have dealt with something like this with such an amazing attitude. I literally think I would have locked myself in a room and never come out again, I would lose all faith. But seeing you handle this I'd like to think that if something like this happene to me, that I could handle it too. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are such a wonderful mom. Congrats and two beautiful boys.

Catherine Webb said...

Happy Birthday Gavin! Lindsay - just wanted you to know I was thinking about you guys today. I of course am at a place that reminds me of you guys always. I hope and pray that today is a day that brings you all great amounts of peace and love. I still thank my Heavenly Father for the gift He gave me of getting to know the three of you - now the four of you. I learned so much from watching you with Gavin. The love in your eyes was evident in every second. The care you gave him was filled with love in every gesture. Jack is one lucky little boy! I love you guys. Thanks for sharing Gavin with me.

Brittanie said...

I'm a day late, but happy birthday sweet boy!

That brought tears to my eyes. Aren't the words of Joseph Smith wonderful? I can picture in my mind that beautiful day, when mothers line up and angels return our babies to our arms and we all rejoice together. I don't know why I think of us all being together but I do. Won't it be wonderful?

Baldwin Fam said...

It amazes me how time goes by so quickly. That it's already been two years and yet so much has happened in that time. I'm thinkin of ya!

Brittanie said...

Hey, I'm doing a memorial video for pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day (oct. 15th). I'd like to include Gavin, if that's okay with you. Would you let me know?

Steve, Misti, & Madison said...

just so you know the basket went to someone who really needed it. they came to get their baby and they did not have clothes to take him home in. and they were so cute. you guys are great!

Sam and Lacey said...

I have been thinking of your sweet angel!! P.S. i love the quote.

cassi said...

Happy Birthday to sweet little Gavin! What a wonderful family he has!