"Thank heaven there is tomorrow. Because there is tomorrow, all our yesterdays have meaning and all our dreams have hope."

Sunday, October 10, 2010

October

October is a rough month.
I kinda anticipate it always will be.
So much of my thinking turns to Gavin.
He really is almost all I think about during this time of year.
I miss him so much.
Sometimes I still can't believe we did that.
It almost feels dream-like.
And then I have a moment of clarity.
A flash back.
And it all comes racing back.
Every muscle in my body aches and my head spins.
Because it DID happen.
The trauma, the pain, the joy and the peace.
All of it existed at the same time.
The highest of highs and the lowest of lows - all in a matter of three months.
It's not something you forget.
Especially this month.

I am just a mom.

And maybe more than a little impatient at times.

But, I love my boys.

All four of them.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

They have all taught me so much about what is truly important in life.

6 comments:

Jen said...

Sweet post, Lindsay. You are such an amazing person! I love that you visit the cemetery often and make it part of Jack's life- he'll grow up knowing his brother.

Malia said...

I think of your family this month, too, Lindsay. Love you.

T-Ray said...

I've been thinking of you and Jason. I know October is rough. I'm pretty sure Gavin is up there keeping an extra eye on his mom and pop this month.

Brandon and Teresa R said...

it is SO sweet to see that picture of Jack putting the pumpkin down by his big brother...I am thinking of you and Gavin too...

Brittanie said...

I thought I posted earlier. ((hugs)) I hope the rest of this month is peaceful for you.

I just wanted to let you know that I included Gavin in my wave of light display today http://corarei.blogspot.com/2010/10/wave-of-light.html

Kaydee said...

love you!