I kinda anticipate it always will be.
So much of my thinking turns to Gavin.
He really is almost all I think about during this time of year.
I miss him so much.
Sometimes I still can't believe we did that.
It almost feels dream-like.
And then I have a moment of clarity.
A flash back.
And it all comes racing back.
Every muscle in my body aches and my head spins.
Because it DID happen.
The trauma, the pain, the joy and the peace.
All of it existed at the same time.
The highest of highs and the lowest of lows - all in a matter of three months.
It's not something you forget.
Especially this month.
I am just a mom.
And maybe more than a little impatient at times.
But, I love my boys.
All four of them.
I couldn't ask for anything more.
They have all taught me so much about what is truly important in life.