(Our precious Gavin James Bailey)This past Saturday I was asked to help participate on a panel for Primary Children's Medical Center's Bereavement department. There is nothing I love more than volunteering to help others - especially during trying times like the ones these parents were faced with.
This panel consisted of four women (including myself) who were there to answer questions for bereaved parents. Most of the parents had had a child pass away at Primary Children's Medical Center within the last year. It was basically a Q&A type of deal.
I was nervous wondering how I would answer the "healing" questions or the deep "why me" questions. About a minute into the panel I realized that these parents were just trying to survive. They were literally living minute by minute and asked so many questions that I have had myself. I remember trying to survive.
With the help of the other three amazing women, I found myself trying to comfort and advise these parents. I was so impressed by the other women on the panel and their insights. So many times I felt like I was going crazy or having odd thought processes. It was very clear that night that many parents who have children pass away have the exact same thoughts.
Even three years later I still question and wonder if I am going crazy or losing it. This is a unique club we belong to . . . and I know there are many other parents out there who have the same questions as I did (and do) as well as the questions asked by these grieving parents in attendance at this meeting.
I have found that time has helped heal me more than I thought it would. I also realized that I am no longer trying to survive. That is a gift that time has given to me as well. I am now still learning to accept my new normal and be a better momma than I would have been before this experience.
I will not let this experience and the life of my precious Gavin go to waste.
I decided to write about a few of the questions a grieving parent asks. The answers are a combination of the panel's answers. I forgot how basic the questions are when you are attempting to survive the initial impact of grief. I have such a deep love and respect for the families that were there Saturday night. I pray for all those with broken hearts.
This panel consisted of four women (including myself) who were there to answer questions for bereaved parents. Most of the parents had had a child pass away at Primary Children's Medical Center within the last year. It was basically a Q&A type of deal.
I was nervous wondering how I would answer the "healing" questions or the deep "why me" questions. About a minute into the panel I realized that these parents were just trying to survive. They were literally living minute by minute and asked so many questions that I have had myself. I remember trying to survive.
With the help of the other three amazing women, I found myself trying to comfort and advise these parents. I was so impressed by the other women on the panel and their insights. So many times I felt like I was going crazy or having odd thought processes. It was very clear that night that many parents who have children pass away have the exact same thoughts.
Even three years later I still question and wonder if I am going crazy or losing it. This is a unique club we belong to . . . and I know there are many other parents out there who have the same questions as I did (and do) as well as the questions asked by these grieving parents in attendance at this meeting.
I have found that time has helped heal me more than I thought it would. I also realized that I am no longer trying to survive. That is a gift that time has given to me as well. I am now still learning to accept my new normal and be a better momma than I would have been before this experience.
I will not let this experience and the life of my precious Gavin go to waste.
I decided to write about a few of the questions a grieving parent asks. The answers are a combination of the panel's answers. I forgot how basic the questions are when you are attempting to survive the initial impact of grief. I have such a deep love and respect for the families that were there Saturday night. I pray for all those with broken hearts.
1 comment:
Lindsay-
I learned a lot from listening to the ache and pain of those who were there for the panel. I truly appreciate you for continuing to tell Gavin's story. He is a great teacher. And so are you.
Thank you for helping others understand and for taking the time to put your arm around a grieving parent. Every time you share your love with someone I think Gavin smiles. He knows his momma is doing some good work.
You were wonderful that night. And so was Jason. I know that it is difficult for him to share his feelings and so I appreciate his willingness to do so that night. I am proud of both of you.
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