Q: How long before Gavin died did you realize he was going to die? Was it a surprise or did you see it coming? Do you think that affected how you dealt with it?
Since no one knew what syndrome Gavin had, we acknowledged early on that his life expectancy would be shorter than normal. We just didn't know how short or how long it would be. To be truthful, I thought he would live a few years. As time progressed with Gavin at the hospital and his condition began to deteriorate quickly - I began to understand that he wouldn't stay with us long. The last week of his life I watched him struggle and change. I started to see that his time was going to be very short with us. Through a series of events Jason and I accepted what Gavin's plan was. The day we both came to that knowledge was the day he passed away. I didn't think his life would only last three months - but it wasn't a complete shock either.
I think that I began to accept Gavin's shortened life expectancy from the very beginning - and I think that did help with how I dealt with his death. His death was very peaceful and very calm. I think that being able to hold him and love him as he passed from this side of the veil to the other was a very comforting experience. I think that overall I was able to deal with his passing better because I saw it coming and I was there. Even though the knowledge helped ease me into the idea of his death - the grief is still heart breaking and gut wrenching. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of eternal families and the comfort I find in the time I did have with him.