Fall

This time last year my amazing mother and I packed up the back of her Acura CrossOver and headed to Salt Lake City to await the arrival of Gavin's flight at PCMC. I have never been so nervous in my whole life. I was going to live in a strange place - for an undefined amount of time - under the most stressful of circumstances - without my husband - with a charge to find a "fix" for my son. The one thing that brought me comfort was that I was that I knew my mother would be by my side every step of the way.

The night before we left I packed a suitcase with enough clothes for a month. It had been a110 degree day in July when Gavin was born and now I was entering into to serene, cool fall weather of Salt Lake City, UT. We arrived in SLC on September 30, 2007 and Gavin arrived the morning of October 1, 2007 with Jason on a small plane which landed at PCMC. We proceeded to spend the next month living at the Ronald McDonald House in the Avenues of Salt Lake City, UT. My mom stayed with me during the week and Jason would come up for the weekends. It is a time that is ingrained in my brain and senses. Everything thing about fall time reminds me of Gavin.

During that month, my mom and I would often walk the streets of the Avenues to help calm the anxiety and nerves we felt on a regular basis as we searched for answers to Gavin's illness. We watched as the trees changed colors and the leaves fell to the ground covering the uneven sidewalks. The yellow, orange and brown colors of fall now have a much deeper meaning to me. It was in the shadows of those falling leaves that I came to understand the plan for my son. It was walking through the Salt Lake City cemetery in search of my mother's older brother (who passed away when he was a child) that I discovered that children do sometimes pass away despite parents' best efforts. It was during the walks with my mother that I found peace in change. It was there, during the change of seasons, that I developed a stronger, more deeper realtionship with my Father in Heaven and my Savior.

The fall time is sacred to me now in a very personal way. It is a time for change. I will never forget what my mother said as we packed up her car to leave Salt Lake City on October 30, 2007. "The leaves have fallen and winter is coming. And now, it is time to go home - Gavin has gone home."