I Love Christmas Movies!

Can I just say how much I love Christmas movies? This is one of my favorite parts of the Christmas season. There's nothing better then pajamas, hot chocolate and a fun Christmas movie. Call me childish . . . but it really is one of the things I look forward to each year.

Gavin's Christmas Tree

Each year in Salt Lake City, UT they set up the Festival of Trees. This is an auction for decorated Christmas Trees and the proceeds go to Primary Children's Medical Center. Families or organizations can decorate a tree and then the Festival of Trees opens to the public and people are able to bid on the trees. In honor of Gavin, Jason's wonderful family (extended members and all) decorated a tree to celebrate Gavin's life. In the picture you can see one of the little lamb blankets that Gavin loved so much. It's a beautiful tree and I feel so honored that Jason's family would think to do such a wonderful tribute to Gavin and provide such generous donations to Primary Children's Medical Center. It's a beautiful tree and I just bawled when I saw the picture Jason's father sent to us. What a wonderful blessing to have married into a family that is so loving, kind and thoughtful. This tree really means a lot to me for many different reasons. Not only does it represent my sweet son, but it helps Primary Children's Medical Center. This hospital is a non-profit hospital designated especially for children like my Gavin . . . and it truly did help him. What a wonderful way to help other children with the donations from the bids on the Christmas Trees. So, thank you to all of the members who helped decorate this tree. It means so much to us.

Something To Look Forward To!

These past few months have been overwhelming and exhausting physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. So, we need a little break. My parents thought of this idea way before we did . . . but we need a VACATION! We need a chance to get away and recuperate. They think a change of scenery will help us and I am sure it will. Jason and I had a wonderful time on Maui in 2006 and I am sure our upcoming trip to The Big Island of Hawaii in January will be awesome too. It's a funny story how we got the airplane tickets . . . my cute mom earned them with her bum! Literally! No kidding! My family went to Hawaii this past June, but since I was REALLY pregnant I couldn't go. (However; my dad tried to talk Jason into going just for a few days and leaving me at home alone. HEH HEH HEH) Anyway, my family was sitting in first class on the way home from Hawaii and the airlines overbooked the section. They asked if anyone would volunteer to sit coach for a free airline ticket anywhere and my mom said she would. Then Matt negotiated their way to two free tickets anywhere - my crazy 16 year old brother! So between Matt's negotiation skills and mom sitting in coach . . . Jason and I are reaping the benefits! It really will be nice to get away and have some time for the two of us to be together. I am really looking forward to the trip! So . . . THANKS MOM AND MATTY your bum and negotiation skills are awesome! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know I am a little late on the Thanksgiving thing . . . but it has been a super busy weekend. Jason and I had both of our families here in Las Vegas and a few cousins, nieces, nephews, grandmas, grandpas, aunts and uncles. We had about thirty people for dinner and it was crazy but fun! We are so lucky to have wonderful families that get along so well. Thanksgiving was a difficult day for me - it was really tough going through this first holiday without Gavin. I just always felt like someone was missing. It was all I could do to just be there - I was in survival mode that day. I told my mom that it was difficult just to be there - not because I didn't want to be there - because I really felt Gavin's absence that day. Throughout this weekend I have really had a moment to reflect on what I am grateful for . . . I could go on and on. I am thankful for my sweet husband and my son Gavin. My two boys have taught me so much and I never knew I could love two boys the way I do! I also thought about how wonderful families are and how much I love both my family and Jason's family. We have wonderful parents and siblings who love each other and have a fun time together. This weekend has meant a lot to me while reflecting on how I feel about my family and friends. I love you guys!

Elfin' Around

I know this funny cartoon is going around. Jason did this one earlier today and I laughed until I almost wet my pants. For those of you who haven't seen it . . . you will laugh. Just click on the link below.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9559339859

Don't Forget the Pop Tops!

I know I talk about this all of the time . . . but DON'T FORGET YOUR POP TOPS! Many of you know that while Gavin was at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, UT my mom and I stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. This is a house where parents with hospitalized children can stay for $10 a day. They also provide meals, rooms, and many of the comforts of home while you are away from your own home. My point is . . . I am not done helping this organization. So many people have made generous donations to the Ronald McDonald House and we are so grateful and humbled by your generosity. One thing we can still continue to do is collect the pop tab off of soda cans. The House makes quite a bit of money by recycling these small tabs. So, PLEASE save the pop tops! I will be more than happy to take them from you and send them to the Ronald McDonald House.

My Funny Hubby

I feel so bad. . . the past three and a half months have been completely devoted to Gavin and I feel at times I have neglected my sweet husband. Some people don't know how freaking awesome my Jason is. These pictures I posted were from our "dating years" in college. We had so much fun, and I can't even begin to describe how much I love and appreciate Jason. I love him more than I thought possible, and he has so many amazing attributes. For those of you who know Jason, you know he has quite the sense of humor. With the circumstances of the last few months . . . humor has been a necessity for survival. When Jason proposed to me, he promised me that he would make me laugh every single day. Every day with Jason is a blast. Who knew that five and a half years after being married I would love him more than the day I married him. I just hope I can be a the kind of wife he deserves! I know this is such a mushy blog entry, but I needed to let Jason know how much he means to me. LOVE YOU J!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

I don't even know where to begin to thank everyone who has helped us and supported us through this difficult time. I wish that I could thank each one of you personally. I know there are so many people who have prayed and thought about Gavin . . . and we wanted to sincerely thank you. Nothing about this journey has been easy. Nothing. But, we have had joy and we will continue to have joy when we remember our sweet Gavin. Gavin became not only our baby, but a person who has changed me. I know that sounds odd. . . but I think he has inspired so many of us. I have said this many times before, but he has taught me more in his short three months than I could have taught him in a lifetime. Jason and I truly appreciate all of your love, care, prayers and support. We often comment how we wouldn't be able to cope if we didn't have the amazing family/friends that we have been blessed with. We have met so many good and wonderful people through this experience. You have blessed our lives, and we love you.

Gavin's Poem

He let me have you for just a little while;

God gave you to me to make me smile.

You came into the world so quiet and small;
I knew from the start you stole it all.

A place in my soul, my arms, my heart;
You had it all . . . right from the start.

Your little fingers wrapped around mine;

We knew we had you for only a short time.

Your beautiful blue eyes, they captured my love;

Like an angel you were sent to me from above.

A love you gave, so perfect and true;

A perfect boy born into a world you didn't have to go through.

You were too perfect, too innocent and pure;

I knew I'd do anything for you, of that I was sure.

I think I did all a good mother could do;

And then I realized this wasn't up to me or you.

For you we fought, and struggled and prayed;

And then it all seemed to make sense one day.

Your time grew short, we knew you would go home;

And once again, we would be left alone.

You endured so much and put up a courageous fight;

But now, my mother arms ache to hold you tight.

Tender moments of time we were all given;

Before we had to send you back to heaven.

Father, hold my baby in sweet arms of thine;

Until once again I can hold him in mine.

To small to pick up a stone;

He moved a mountain, grew weary and went home.

- author unknown

The Day We Said Goodbye

I hope this isn't too morbid to post about Gavin's funeral . . . it's some level of closure for me. On Friday November 2, 2007 we had Gavin's memorial service. It was a wonderful experience and I was shocked at how many people attended. Who knew that a little three month old boy could have such an impact on so many people!? Jason and I gave Gavin's eulogy, we had a beautiful piano solo by Diann Stewart and Jason's father talked about the Plan of Salvation. The Bishop closed the services and explained why Jason and I were able to stand and share Gavin with others. . . it is because of our faith that we are an eternal family and that one day Gavin will be waiting for us when our time on earth is finished. My father dedicated the grave site and it was a beautiful yet difficult experience.

The past few days have been filled with ups and downs. Many times we are at peace and then one of us will break down and cry. We tried going to church on Sunday, but it was just too difficult. We left the church and went to see Gavin. Everyday I have gone on a walk over to the cemetery. It takes about an hour to walk there and back, but it's nice to see him. Even sitting next to him now brings a level of comfort. This is NOT an easy journey, however, Gavin's life was beautiful. He is still beautiful, as we remember the precious three months God granted us to be with Gavin.

A Blessing And A Name

I just wanted to back track for a moment. . . my last entry was so short and there is so much I wanted to say. On Saturday October 27, 2007 we knew that Gavin would not live too much longer. It had become very apparent that his situation was rapidly declining and that he would be leaving us soon. The staff was so amazing at PCMC. . . they catered to every religious wish we asked for. The one thing we wanted was to bless Gavin giving him a name. I have to admit, this is NOT the way I thought of blessing our baby. Most parents get to do it on Sunday in front of the whole congregation, but I soon got over my moment of selfishness and asked if we could buy a blessing outfit nearby. My mother-in-law and I were escorted by the charge nurse to a closet full of blessing outfits. I picked out this beautiful white suit for Gavin to wear while his dad gave him a name and a blessing. They also gave us a white blanket to lay him on in his crib. Jason and I went back to Gavin and we were able to bathe him and get him dressed. It was quite the ordeal to get the blessing suit on him with all of the monitors and attachments he had on his little body. It was a beautiful experience to bathe our son and dress him like an angel.

The staff allowed all of our parents, siblings, and grandparents to come back around his crib while Jason gave the blessing. Gavin was awake and focused as each person came to talk to him. My baby. . . my sweet little baby. Jason gave a beautiful blessing, and there are things he promised Gavin that I will never forget. How blessed we are to know that the Lord loves little children. That day, I knew without a doubt, that the Lord loved Gavin and our family so much. Even in a trying, sad and desperate time, Gavin calmed our spirits and testified to us that there are eternal families and that if we live according to what we have been taught, we will be together again. My sweet little boy . . . I have learned more from you in three months than I would have been able to teach you in a lifetime. I love you my baby Gavin.