It's that dreaded question. The one that the moms and dads in this "club" hate. It comes in many forms and versions. But it boils down to . . . How many children do you have? or Is this your first? Even two and a half years after Gavin's passing and a year after Jack's birth, this question still makes my heart sink to my gut and my eyes water. It's a physical blow. Painful. Real. And all too often.
What do I say to these well meaning strangers? They aren't aware of the sucker-punch that has just been delivered to my heart. If I tell them the truth I create an awkward situation for all parties involved in this encounter. If I tell them that Jack is my first I feel as though I have betrayed Gavin.
Of course, I desperately want others to know about Gavin and his beautiful life, but all too often talking about him makes others uncomfortable. And what stranger, who in passing is making small talk, wants to hear my heartache?
Do I lie?
Do I tell the truth?
I guess it all depends on my mood and the person involved.
Does that make me a bad mom?
I don't know.