Today I went to the funeral of my friend I recently spoke about who had been in the Trauma Intensive Care Unit a few weeks ago from a minor head injury. Funerals are a completely different occasion for me now. I feel like I understand death and Plan of Salvation more than I ever have before. This was the first funeral I have attended since Gavin's and I felt such a range of emotions. I can relate to the intense sadness and grief that his parents and family are feeling, however, I think I have a more full and purposeful understanding of death than I did ten months ago. The service was beautiful and the congregation expanded past the chapel and to the back of the gym. He was so loved. I am sure it made his parents feel so good to know that people loved their son so much. I know how much it meant to me to know that people loved Gavin enough to attend his funeral.
His father was one of the speakers and at the end of his talk he said, "Life is good." I have reflected on that all day. Can I say life is good? This man just stood in front of 500 people and essentially said, "Today I will bury my son - I will not see him for the rest of my mortal existence and life is good." That sentence has played over and over in my mind. Life is good. Life is good. Is my life good? I have buried my son as well. I have empty arms. And most of all I have a broken heart. Is my life good? This caused some serious refection for me. And I have decided that . . . yes . . . LIFE IS GOOD. A good life doesn't mean we are free from pain or a broken heart. It means that we have hope - and I have hope. I think that is one of the only things that keeps me going day after day. I may not have a perfect knowledge of the plan for our little family, but I do have hope and faith that this life is not the end. My son lives too - he is a faithful, valiant son of our Heavenly Father and he is doing much to bring the gospel to those who haven't had an opportunity to hear about it. I am so grateful this father has enough faith to stand and say, "Life is good."
I left the funeral feeling a renewed sense of hope and gratitude for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. I don't think I could have this very specific testimony without the experience that we have had with Gavin. Many times I have to remind myself that something "good" has to come from this experience. Gavin was sent here for many reasons, but I truly feel like one main reason he came here was to teach me how to return to my Heavenly Father and strengthen my testimony in His gospel. I was so grateful to feel that reassurance of my testimony during this funeral. Knowledge does not mean that the hurt disappears . . . it only means that we understand that the hurt won't last forever and that there is more to this existence than this mortal life.
2 comments:
I think it must take such bravery and strength to embrace the good in life while at the same time dealing with such a loss. I am sure both of your sons are watching and are very proud!
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