A Privileged Mother

A friend of mine had mothers post on her blog. This is what I wrote:

My experience and privilege of being a mother has been much different than I ever anticipated. The word "mother" has a whole new meaning now - a whole new respect and reverence. Being a mother hasn’t gone the way I planned . . . but, isn’t that normal? I have a sweet baby boy who was with us for three short months on earth, but I feel so honored to be his mother for eternity. Even though motherhood hasn’t gone the way I planned, I feel privileged to be a mother.

A year ago I was a typical girl in the middle of a typical pregnancy with no problems or complications. My perspective of being a mother consisted of being prepared in every way possible. I had read every book, avoided all the things to be avoided and did everything I was told to do in "What to Expect When You Are Expecting." Two months before his due date Gavin’s room was painted, his clothes were washed and folded in the appropriate drawers, his bed was made, and the stroller was assembled. We were ready for our baby boy to come home.

Our sweet Gavin James Bailey was born four weeks early on July 27, 2007 due to a sudden lack of fetal movement. Shortly after Gavin’s birth a Nurse Practitioner came to tell us that Gavin had some odd features that were most likely related to a genetic abnormality or syndrome. I remember watching my husband fall to his knees and cry the most heart wrenching sob. This was not supposed to happen to us! This was NOT what I had signed up for when I decided to be a mother.

But when I saw my tiny little boy for the first time laying in a NICU bed, hooked up to machines, and listening to doctors talk about shortened life expectancy - I realized what it truly meant to be a mother. It was at that exact moment when my perspective on motherhood changed. I knew I was willing to do anything for my son. It didn’t matter how difficult life would be having a son with a trach , feeding tube and severe disabilities. We were willing to give up everything just to have our son. Nothing else mattered except my new little family.

Gavin was only with us for three months before he returned to our Heavenly Father, and that time with him was the most joyful and the most painful three months of my life. Gavin never left the NICU. He never came home to sleep in that bed made for him, ride in that stroller or wear many of those clothes. However, what he taught me was far more valuable than the experiences we may have missed out on having him here with us. He taught me what is means to unconditionally love and cherish the truly important things in life. He taught me how to be more Christlike. He taught me how to have empathy. And most importantly, he taught me how to submit to the will of our Heavenly Father. I often reflect how lucky I am to be Gavin’s mother.

Yes, motherhood is an endearing word. It means love, faith, patience, strength, kindness, sacrifice, happiness, and joy. Gavin taught me more than I ever could have taught him. Gavin has made me a happy momma and redefined my life.